What a Week...

So the strangeness continues but
luckily didn't go too far!
This is a bit "em-bare-ass-ing" but
oh well! I woke up at 5-ish this
morning to J attempting to put
something of his where it just didn't belong.... HELLO!!! I'm up! He was sound asleep. I'm not sure whet led to it but I think we may not be sleeping naked after taking Ambien for a bit! Hell if that's not the icing on the cake that has been this week, I don't know what is!!! So TGIFF!! The move should be official this weekend & J- if you do that again I have a few power tools with your name on them baby! So hopefully it doesn't come to that because I was hoping to get all my stuff moved & maybe have time to get unpacked enough to bring my kitty to the new place by Sunday evening! I hope that everyone has a great weekend & that my week of WTF is nearly over!

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!

The past few days have been filled with things that have made me say WTF out loud!

Monday: I'm driving to work & I see a man trying to get his minivan jump started. This is not so unusual except that he's running around in his boxer shorts. Picture a very pasty, hairy, and chubby Jesus-looking dude in seriously thin pale tan boxers. I think he was wearing work boots with the body hair & boxers but I can't bet on it! I would have taken a picture with my cell but I was so shocked, I just froze and stared as I slowly drove by & I've lived and/or worked in NYC for a number of years so I've seen it all. All I could ask myself was WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

Tuesday: I took the day off of work because I had a follow-up with my doctor & am still trying to wrap up my move. So I go to the doctor to get some MRI results from an auto accident & my back doctor tells me that, "Incidentally, we found a very large cyst on your ovary." (He doesn't look up or make eye contact the whole time and is seriously freaking me out.) His assistant is watching me as he rattles off, "Prominent & partially septated cyst, about 4 centimeters, right mid-pelvis, slightly complex, right adnexal cyst" Then he looks up and sees me with tears welling up and says, "Here it's about this big"- and proceeds to pick up an item off his desk saying that he'd guess that's about 4 cm but mine is round and blah, blah, blah. Do I have a doctor b/c I need to get this, that and the other done. So knowing me & that I am not outwardly emotional, he presses on and I tell him, "OK! I get it! I'll make an appointment!" Then he pulls out a ruler, picks the stupid thing he's comparing my cyst to and measures it!!!! Then he says, "Hey look! 4 cm! I was right!!!" Yeah you DOC! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? Sorry about all the details but I must paint the picture.... because that was pretty insensitive. The man is book smart but as far as common sense... nada! So I went to Home Depot after and bought a bunch of really awesome tools & lumber and went home and made a kick ass closet organizer. I LOVE POWER TOOLS!!!! I also go some other kick-ass gadgets. Nothing like a little retail therapy & sawing, drilling, etc. to feel better!!!

Wednesday: So J came to see me @ the office and take me to lunch. I had my first nooner! It was AWESOME! When we were done playing grab ass, we grabbed some Thai. It was very nice. I can't believe I've not done that before!!! So anyway back to my WTF stuff.... I was going to the place in the city that I am moving out of & see Jose my local homeless man. I barely recognized him. He's all cleaned up w/a new hair cut & clean clothes. If he didn't smile at me with that big toothless grin I wouldn't have recognized him at all!! Then he tried to shake my hand and it made me super uncomfortable because I don't want to make him feel bad but don't want any of the germs that go with wiping your ass in the streets. So I gave him a pat on the shoulder and then promptly washed my hands and sprayed Lysol on the door knob, keys, and anything I touched. I feel like a bitch but oh well. WTF?!?!?!

Today: I accidentally backed into a parked car trying to pull out of my parking spot this morning. The owner of the car was right there and the smell of weed pouring off her was beyond strong! So I apologized while she cursed at me and asked if she'd like to exchange information. She then threatened to pull me out of my car and kick my ass. She couldn't have been more than 5 ft tall in shoes! I'm thin but athletic & 5'10". So then she says to me, "Just go, bro!" Last time I checked I had tits! Bro? Seriously? Then she threatened me again so I told her I'd be happy to call the police and fill out a report for insurance purposes as long as she was OK with the stench of her pal Mary Jane emanating from her car. Again, her response was, "Just go, bro!!! Just go, bro!!" I just didn't get it so again I thought to myself, "WHAT THE FUCK????"

*****Special thanks to Eagle Eye for the post I read today over breakfast! You taught me something new (thank you) and kept me on my diet!!!*****************

Secrets

I'm so excited for this book. Part of starting my blog was because I had things to say & just can't journal. I don't trust anyone I know well enough with most secrets, thoughts, etc. and have had the displeasure of having a boyfriend go through my journal, write comments & on the next available page write, "If you still want to watch superbowl, call me." F-uuuuccckkkk Yyooouuu P! I should post your full name & address but I don't ever even want anyone to know that I dated you in the first place. So here are a few secrets from the site. I've skipped the more disturbing ones. Check it out for yourself... http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Liquid Lunch Friday!

Fashion week is over and things are slowly getting back to normal. The backstage screams for Xanax, Valium, Percocet, etc. have quieted. My feet are finally forgiving me for all those stilettos. My moving boxes are stuffed with so many lovely pieces from other designers & my lovely girls there!! I love you girls! I need some new photos to post! This one is scanned but classic. Forgive my hair. That was a bad decision many liquid Fridays ago! We were all out just having a bit too much fun & I was given the option of licking the giant dessert spoon clean. The damn spoon was the size of my hand!! So me not being a girl to turn down the challenge, went for it. Well I'm oblivious to the guy with his wife & baby at the next table staring. Then I am told how his wife got mad, and he's trying to explain himself out of it and just digging his grave deeper. So to his wife- I'm sorry. I just gotta have fun & can be a bit sassy at times. A few more drinks and it'll be surfacing again! Last liquid post was on my to cheat or not post... so you see where my mind was at!

So going back to the city this weekend to hang at Sutton Place with my pals. I'll play on my swing & see what sort of sales will be around town. I want to pick up some new pieces for the new place..... Seriously the swing alone is just too much fun!! So I hope anyone who reads this has a great weekend!

Moving and the issues it causes...

Moving... Well I'm moving into a new home. Sold the Brownstone & decided to say goodbye to Jose! I've picked a cute Jersey Shore community that actually is nice and not at all scummy. So in the process of switching utilities & emailing friends with my new address etc. I sent one to a friend/ex-whatever... He's just tough to forget about & mind you I am trying to be monogomous so him calling today and saying, "Oh we should get together Sunday" just doesn't help things. I have some weaknesses when it comes to this man. Let's forget that he makes Tommy Lee look like Tiny Tim (bad example?) & just go with his sheer maleness that puts me in a trance.... like climbing into bed with me at 7 am smelling all manly like oil & this smell that you would have to know to understand. Or after paintballing and being multi-colored and just coming by to say hello. Or that he's just so f-ing hot in every way. He lets me help fix the quad and we end up doing bad things in the garage. He's just THAT GUY. Take away the sexual manly stuff and he's still amazing. This may sound gay but he'll wear a faded pink Lacoste shirt and still look hot because he just don't care. He's secure in his manhood. Is that just a big dick thing? Flash back to high school when I was the senior chick and he was my freshman friend... I still wanted it & he was jail bait. He's cool. He listens. No judgements. Nothing. Until we pulled the long distance thing and he met someone and totally fucked me over. But before that- I was his one that got away and he was never afraid to say so. Whatever... where was I? Oh Sunday. He'll be all muddy and manly and wanting to see me knowing full damn well that there will be the usual issues of weakness and we both are seeing people. So the question is...to cheat or not to cheat? I can't have him full time & if I did, I would NEVER trust him. If he'll cheat with me, he'll cheat on me. BUT... I just want a little time with him. I miss my best friend but he's my weakness too.... I don't want to screw around on J.... but I do want to see T. Oh well...nobody reads this so I will have no feedback & will most likely screw up. Here's to hoping I make the right decision.... if I knew what that was!!!

THE LIST

OK...I'm completely satisfied with the man in my bed, BUT there's always temptation. We have the real guys that we know (not ex sex) the untapped. The guys you know from everyday situations, like this one. He took on the Yukon, the Mississippi (picture), and the walked the entire Appalachian Trail for charity. All sponsored items & money were given to Cancer research & then the Yukon project funds went to Katrina charities. So mix that in with the fact that he's totally at one with nature, was a Royal Marine Commando, has that sexy British accent which makes most men at least 10% hotter. He's a great guy and an all around bad ass. Then we come to another real life piece of temptation (have I mentioned that I'm a recovering cheat? 11.5 months monogamous ). He's just hanging off the CN Tower in Toronto at about 1,800 ft. as is it's no big deal. Then you add his sexy climber body and wonderful sarcastic humor. Oh and he always calls me darlin' but he may do that with all the ladies since he's from Texas. He's been in the Northeast long enough to have dropped any heavy accent so it's 100% pure charm.

Then there's the celebrity list as discussed on Friends. I could never laminate that list.... this week it's these 5 guys but next week it could be different. Does this make me a commitment phobe? So here goes for now & if anyone reads this, please feel free to share your 5:

I'm pretty solid on #'s 1-4 but it's so difficult to put someone into that final space. (Could be why I'm still single or at least not married)

So let's kick this off....Today's list

#1 . Josh Hartnett. He looks pretty earnest, and he reminds me of my ex who is adorable and hung like an elephant.

#2. Jason Statham. He's British. He's Handsome Rob. He was basically dipped in oil in The Transporter and that was all I needed....

#3. Ryan Reynolds. Blade Trinity. The humor the chains & that cute little tattoo way down into his very low abdomen.

#4. Julian Mcmahon He plays Dr. Troy in Nip/Tuck & does so with such pure evil that I love it!

#5. This slot can't be filled.... I'm digging Channing Tatum these days. He's a bad actor but so damn sexy. Brad Pitt (pre Angelina) will always have a place in my heart after that Vanity Fair spread. I'm a bit "Team Aniston" but hey, you can't help who you love. If you try to fight it- well it is just a recipe for disaster.

Shall we get to the honorable mentions? Jack Johnson (Cute surfer boy singer, Olivier Martinez (Hello have you seen Unfaithful?), John Krasinski (love The Office), Patrick Dempsey (love those eyes), Will Kirby (reality TV Evil Dr. Will), Jason Lee (Pre-Earl), Wentworth Miller (sitting in his Converse all stars in the Mariah Carey video with those blue eyes...yeah that works. Is he really gay?), Ed Burns (esp. in She's the One), Harrison Ford (younger but not too young), Sean Connery (again, slightly older but not on his death bed)
The End (Brad's that is).....

WEEKEND PHOTOGRAPHY

I love to photograpgh the many places on J's body that look so yummy. I've started with these two because both make me so happy. The curves on his fine ass are almost just a blur but I find it necessary to capture them and post them here for myself. I know I will end up putting all those years of art school to use finally because I've found a subject that I am passionate about. This photo of the top of his ass really does it no justice. The ones from my cell have too many details that give him away & are too explicit...... not that anyone looks at my crappy little blog but I think I shall start taking requests for images should anyone ever make one. There's that cute butt I know and love -->

He always wants me to sketch him but I think I'm just going to continue to post random photos from naked Sundays instead. He's just too cute.

This is the same guy that I only ORIGINALLY wanted to sneak around with, use for some sex, and move on when he got clingy yet here I am ALMOST 1 YEAR LATER with my own personal ode to J. YES LADIES & GENTS, I'm whipped! It is that good and it's not just the sex. I actually asked permission to post him before I did so because I didn't want him to feel violated. I will continue to keep it less than X rated and keep the unique marks out of my photos to protect his privacy.

This next one is my favorite. I'm sharing this because I love his arms as well..... they are delicious. I just love it! We have the cutest kissy pic but I'll spare you all of that one. Poor J.... Yes, I am "Mrs. Robinson" and I've seduced you. We're moving in together so it should get even more fun!

Thanks for letting me be me & letting me love the way you look. BTW... Even though J has awareness of this blog & the photos on it, he's not allowed to visit. Sorry- we'll work something out on won't we? Yeah baby, I've been bad.... what'cha gonna do about it??? Surprise me! But please don't give me a surprise like you did that one time when I was in an Ambien haze....OK? That wasn't so much fun to wake up to....Let's keep it tight. Thanks!