Friday, November 16, 2007

When Harry Met Sally?



Can’t men & women just be friends? I admit that it’s rare that I’ve had a male friend and not even wondered what things would be like on a different level. A couple ex-boyfriends were friends first & sometimes I was able to go back to just being friends with one of them. I have one male friend who will NEVER be anything but a friend. He’s almost 19 years older than I am, a single dad, and just an all around nice person. We don’t discuss sexual experiences or anything explicit or flirt EVER. I don’t & just don’t want to think of him that way. I know he does his thing & he knows that I do mine. He now lives two doors down from me since I moved. I even considered passing on my property when I realized it was so close since I didn’t want him to feel like I was going to expect to hang out all the time.
I picked up a bunch of storage bins from Home Depot & gave some of the extras to my friend Bill. J got all pissed b/c when I stopped over, I made plans for the following evening to watch a movie with Bill and his son providing J didn’t have anything planned that would conflict.
When I told J, he said that he didn’t like it. He basically said that it wasn’t right & I shouldn’t go, and that anyone would agree with him. We’ve been fighting since Tuesday night as a result. I may have been a cheat, but I’ve passed up on it since I’ve been with J. I don’t think of my friend that way. I prefer to go over between 9 & 10 pm so I can say hi to the kids but still have a little “grown up” time when they go to bed at 10. ( i.e. Not having to be mindful of language while talking about my day)
J won’t admit that he’s jealous & insecure and I won’t give up a friend that has been there for me through thick and thin. I don’t even hang with the one I dated because that’s a potential danger. Yesterday was T’s birthday & I didn’t even drop by his party.
I’m feeling controlled, and like a possession. I feel that he’s gotten too comfortable being joined at my hip & if it’s not a trust issue, it’s the fact that he doesn’t have 100% of my attention. I’ve let him go everywhere with me & when I don’t, it’s a fight. This is my friend and I’m at the point where I just don’t feel as if he’s entitled to come along. Bill said that he’d like us to both come over after Thanksgiving craziness is over. For now, J just has to deal with me flying solo. I already feel as though I’m going to just start doing more on my own b/c he’s too (________)??? If Bill were a straight chick it’d be fine! (J also has an issue with me hanging with one of my sales reps b/c she is gay and she’s interested in me.) Apparently I just don’t have a say in who I’m interested in & if someone likes me then it’s on! I’ve been totally faithful & I don’t want to be with anyone else physically. When did I become his property? I know how it could appear but I’ve never been one to give a shit & neither has J so for him to say that feels like an excuse. If I am wrong, I just can’t see it.

11 comments:

Jimbo said...
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NotANiceGirl said...
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JimWorld said...
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Eagle Eye said...

OMG--Cute picture!
Who deleted?
How many blogs do you have Jimbo?
I don't know about the just friends thing between men and women. I think men usually have an alterior motive unless the woman is totally unattractive. But, trust is important too. If J hasn't had any reason to distrust you, he is being too possessive. Does he have female friends that he spends exclusive time with too?

NotANiceGirl said...

The title of the photo was called pussy whipped.... I still found it funny. I deleted the first two because they were a bit long etc.

I know that in this case that there is no agenda. Other than knowing my past mistakes, and having been screwed over by his ex, there is no reason for him to be this way. It just pisses me off b/c nothing would ever happen. I'm not into Bill in that way. Doen't I have a say in who I hook up with? J has gotten very possessive of me. There's just nothing acceptable about this whole thing. J is so loyal to me that I'd have nothing to worry about. He has an older friend and I'd never think it was something that it wasn't. I trust him. Maybe I'm wrong but there is a double standard too. Most men that I know would take the bait if offered where women are more of the gatekeepers in the area of sex. I feel that A woman could go out, offer it up, and get some. Men have to work harder at it to get that green light. So his distrust makes me think that he believes I'd serve it up on a plate and Bil would just go for it because it was offered. I find that a slap in the face. I've been so careful so for him to be this way just gets me super PO'd!

Jimbo said...

Is J still acting like a tard or has things calmed down a little?

NotANiceGirl said...

We talked calmly last night and while I think we are both just never going to fully get where the other is coming from- I think we found some common ground.... then we made up 4 times.

Jimbo said...

Only 4? What a slacker. What he has done is worth at least 5 or 6. Have a good Thanksgiving

Eagle Eye said...

He should trust you more. I hope he loosens up a bit (sounds like he did).

NotANiceGirl said...

Yes. Very cool things have been happening in that respect! I didn't know men were multiorgasmic & wouldn't have believed it if I didn't witness it. Very interesting. He's been making it up to me since the other night after he promised to chill. I got some pretty good insight from someone and it helped me to approach him & get this crap resolved. I don't think this is the end of the BS but I think that we're getting somewhere when it comes to discussing our feelings on the subject. Last night was also LOTS of fun....I think I may just have to go home & pick a fight with him! Just kidding. Luckily he's exhausted so I can sleep without worrying about things that go hump in the night! Woo hoo!

Eagle Eye said...

"hump in the night"! Funny!