Thursday, October 18, 2007

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!

The past few days have been filled with things that have made me say WTF out loud!

Monday: I'm driving to work & I see a man trying to get his minivan jump started. This is not so unusual except that he's running around in his boxer shorts. Picture a very pasty, hairy, and chubby Jesus-looking dude in seriously thin pale tan boxers. I think he was wearing work boots with the body hair & boxers but I can't bet on it! I would have taken a picture with my cell but I was so shocked, I just froze and stared as I slowly drove by & I've lived and/or worked in NYC for a number of years so I've seen it all. All I could ask myself was WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

Tuesday: I took the day off of work because I had a follow-up with my doctor & am still trying to wrap up my move. So I go to the doctor to get some MRI results from an auto accident & my back doctor tells me that, "Incidentally, we found a very large cyst on your ovary." (He doesn't look up or make eye contact the whole time and is seriously freaking me out.) His assistant is watching me as he rattles off, "Prominent & partially septated cyst, about 4 centimeters, right mid-pelvis, slightly complex, right adnexal cyst" Then he looks up and sees me with tears welling up and says, "Here it's about this big"- and proceeds to pick up an item off his desk saying that he'd guess that's about 4 cm but mine is round and blah, blah, blah. Do I have a doctor b/c I need to get this, that and the other done. So knowing me & that I am not outwardly emotional, he presses on and I tell him, "OK! I get it! I'll make an appointment!" Then he pulls out a ruler, picks the stupid thing he's comparing my cyst to and measures it!!!! Then he says, "Hey look! 4 cm! I was right!!!" Yeah you DOC! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? Sorry about all the details but I must paint the picture.... because that was pretty insensitive. The man is book smart but as far as common sense... nada! So I went to Home Depot after and bought a bunch of really awesome tools & lumber and went home and made a kick ass closet organizer. I LOVE POWER TOOLS!!!! I also go some other kick-ass gadgets. Nothing like a little retail therapy & sawing, drilling, etc. to feel better!!!

Wednesday: So J came to see me @ the office and take me to lunch. I had my first nooner! It was AWESOME! When we were done playing grab ass, we grabbed some Thai. It was very nice. I can't believe I've not done that before!!! So anyway back to my WTF stuff.... I was going to the place in the city that I am moving out of & see Jose my local homeless man. I barely recognized him. He's all cleaned up w/a new hair cut & clean clothes. If he didn't smile at me with that big toothless grin I wouldn't have recognized him at all!! Then he tried to shake my hand and it made me super uncomfortable because I don't want to make him feel bad but don't want any of the germs that go with wiping your ass in the streets. So I gave him a pat on the shoulder and then promptly washed my hands and sprayed Lysol on the door knob, keys, and anything I touched. I feel like a bitch but oh well. WTF?!?!?!

Today: I accidentally backed into a parked car trying to pull out of my parking spot this morning. The owner of the car was right there and the smell of weed pouring off her was beyond strong! So I apologized while she cursed at me and asked if she'd like to exchange information. She then threatened to pull me out of my car and kick my ass. She couldn't have been more than 5 ft tall in shoes! I'm thin but athletic & 5'10". So then she says to me, "Just go, bro!" Last time I checked I had tits! Bro? Seriously? Then she threatened me again so I told her I'd be happy to call the police and fill out a report for insurance purposes as long as she was OK with the stench of her pal Mary Jane emanating from her car. Again, her response was, "Just go, bro!!! Just go, bro!!" I just didn't get it so again I thought to myself, "WHAT THE FUCK????"

*****Special thanks to Eagle Eye for the post I read today over breakfast! You taught me something new (thank you) and kept me on my diet!!!*****************


NotANiceGirl said...

I've finally added a profile picture!

Eagle Eye said...

I like the avitar NANG! What an inconsiderate prig your Dr. is? Are you going to keep him? I got so pissed off at my dental hygeniest that I've been delaying my regular cleaning and frantically trying to find someone new on an HMO--BITCH!
I had my first nooner recently too! Super fun and not so nice--I'm not a nice girl either I guess!:-)
It sounds like you've had one of those weeks! I have those too from time to time. I'm glad my post informed you and revolted you at the same time--not an easy feat I suppose!LOL!

NotANiceGirl said...

Not easy to revolt me at all... I once saw a homeless man passed out on the sidewalk in Chelsea with the poop all up and down his exposed ass crack. That was on my way to lunch so...well done!!

He's my ortho not the other. I hate to switch b/c I hate going in the first place... We'll see. I just need to get an appointment with the other doctor and see what they say. I just know the tests will be most unpleasant.

So was your nooner outside in the park or what? Mine was interesting b/c I kind of had to keep a lookout to be sure nobody was heading anywhere near my office!!

This week has just made me scratch my head & just think...OOOHHHKAYY!!!

Jimbo said...

Gee and I thought my week sucked. Except for the nooner part you win!

It is cool that you like power tool. about the only time I hear female talk about power tools, they are not the kind you normally use in the garage

Eagle Eye said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NotANiceGirl said...

jimbo- It was so much fun. I got a Compact drill/hammerdrill/driver, circular saw, impact drill, angle grinder and recip saw. Then I got some extra bits and blades a magnetic level & a laser level for when I hang photos. I'll probably hack a finger off with the cordless circular saw but so far so good & the closet is looking good. Now I have a place for all of my shoes!! I may build some shelves and cubbies for my attic but we'll see. It's just too tempting to hack up the sofa that I'm tossing so I need to maintain control!

NotANiceGirl said...

Way to go Eagle!!!!

I picked up these amazing red platform stilettos & a cute nurse outfit etc. from the halloween shop. I'm not going to leave the house in it but who cares? Doesn't it feel great to dress up? My plan is to play dress up while I cook dinner. I love to cook but after the commute I'm always too lazy so I guess if there's incentive for J & me to have some fun maybe I'll cook!

So I'm very proud of the nooner! Yeah US!

p0nk said...

there was a local 'jose' out beside burger king the other night with a sign that said "will accept verbal abuse for spare change". I considered offering him $5 if he'd let me take a picture of him with the sign, but i had a couple of the p0nkletts with me.

p0nk said...

oh and about the bedside manner of some doctors and hygenists... i had a checkup with a dentist who was always stressed, yelling at his hygenists, etc. so the dental hygenist, now stressed as well, starts getting uppity about with me about my flossing habits. She finally hands me the floss and asks me to show her how I floss.
I responded "Well for starters, I don't normally do it standing on my head..." xrist, they have you reclined so far upside down in those dental chairs you nearly pass out. I switched dentists after that one.

Eagle Eye said...

NANG--The red heels I wore--were just cheap little patent red Candie heels, but the guys sure do likey! I have been pondering a naughty Halloween costume as well. School-girl seems to have universal appeal. I may have to go shopping....
pOnk--that is exactly why I despise our hygenist. She asks you to gargle while you're upside down!? I want to scream--I can't gargle if is already down my throat choking me (insert sexual joke here)!? She also sprays the rinse straight down my gullet--I'm thinking to myself "TEETH Beotch--spray the TEETH" and then "USE THE VACUUM SUCKY THINGY"! (Okay I'm getting way to sexually punned here)!

NotANiceGirl said...

Last year I got the frech maid & was nervous about debuting it but I wore the cute ruffle butt panties with the tutu looking thing under it. It had the hear piece & choker. Then this year we got more into the shopping experience. I got school girl with a little teeny argyle print vest and a detachable (by snaps!) see through blouse. The skirt is navy & pleated and it has the pink and navy argyle knee highs! So cute. Then we picked out slutty mary janes with a platform & 5 inch heels. The nurse came with the lab coat thing & thigh highs with the cute little red bows & nurse cross at the top. Oh & a fake stethescope (sp?) oh & I got new thigh highs to go with the maid costume b/c last year's only go with garters. I like to change it up. Definately go pick out the sluttiest costume you can find! It's fun! Though I got some play for wearing my overalls, a wife beater and tool belt the other night. Who knows what'll do it when but it sure is fun!!!

NotANiceGirl said...

pOnk- I was thinking of getting a photo of my Jose just to post but I'm afraid to piss him off for all the reasons one would not want to upset the local homeless! Hey how many pOnkletts do you have?

Eagle Eye said...

Hmmmm...choker. Me thinks that might be a sexy addition to a maid outfit. I got a few comments when my camera bag was around my neck like a choker on an outing.
Overalls and wife beater? Some boys sure do like their girls a little ruff around the edges!
The homeless story sounds just like a Sarah Silverman show. Do you watch her much?